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Nothing was ever good enough. He was like that old cantankerous uncle from that Twilight Zone episode. You know. The one who can’t do anything for himself and doesn’t appreciate anything anyone does for him. I hated him more than I ever did, but I just wanted him to know that even through all the bullshit...” she paused and her face softened, her eyes dropping slightly. “I still loved him. I still needed a father.”This was normal for her-the anger, the resentment, the unrequited need for approval. She had been the one to take care of Stan, our father, that last year of his life. I was safe and detached, three thousand miles away. I only had to deal with him over the phone, secure from the daily chores and physical responsibilities she was forced to accept because of the proximity of her life to his. Listening to her accounts of his constant battles with this disease and that ailment. All complicated with the ever worsening condition of Multiple Sclerosis and his inability to accept. " And how do I do that," I asked."Generally by hurting them more," Brandon said bluntly. "To the point where they stop and think and say, Why am I even bothering? This isn't worth the effort. And then they go away." And you're supposed to do that against a man with a knife??" Meredith asked."Yes, unless you want him to stab you," Brandon said.Connections sparked in my mind, and I held up my hand. "Hold on." Puzzle pieces clicked into place, spelling out a new answer. "But that's missing an important point. What you described—that's how Trina's reacting to me. She's trying to hurt me so much that I stop attacking her. But the thing is—when did I start attacking her? I've been leaving her alone. I've been just staying out of her way." In other words, why is she attacking pre-emptively in the first place," Meredith said."Does it matter?" Brandon asked flatly. "If the man comes at you with a knife, are you gonna stand there and say, 'No, wait, why are you doing this' while he kills you?".
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